Almost 3 years... a new plan

What could possibly happen so bad that it takes so long to find the strength just to log on? Two trips to St. Jude since my last update and I couldn't even find you?  Reach out to the people who have followed this journey and who have our backs.  What could possibly have happened to me...........
What happened to Kayla?

Honestly, I am ashamed that I couldn't snap out of it. Life has been hard. Realizing this is still the beginning of this journey. Having to keep my already exhausted fists up to protect me from the blows that keep coming is hard while trying to update online.

After keeping my gloves up to protect me from that gut wrenching pain that I felt on 11/11/11, I have often felt that I would rather die than to be hit with that agony again.  I have been speechless on here. Ready with constant protection from the blows that have come and continue its threat to return. My gloves are always up.  I sleep with one eye open.  Refusing to ever be slammed with that pain ever again.

It is my fault I have not updated in so long. It is my fault and I am so sorry.  I realized that in order for this momma to survive, I have had to put my oxygen mask on first.   It's been a necessary adjustment for this family.

That being said..... I have an update before I get to the medical updates to come!!!!

Kayla and I are co-writing a book. I couldn't imagine a better therapy session than that.  I will start to fill you in before our November 2 trip back to St. Jude.  I have a lot to catch you all up on. I am reaching for the energy to  assume people still are following Kayla and want to know.  I know you all are out there. I know that writing isn't just for me any more.  I thank you for holding Kayla in your hearts and prayers. Almost 3 years ago we started this journey " officially".  

Do I purge here, or save it for the book??? hmmm. I am not quite sure........... I think I will find my happy medium.

Love you all.