Friday, June 8, 2012

Final Preperations For Our Final Battle


This is it. Go time. Tonight my tiny hero was admitted to begin her fourth and final round to beat this ugly nasty hairy beast once and for all! The sky was incredible which filled our hearts with so much hope on our drive back to the hospital.

The past few days we have packed in as much family and fun time as possible. You know how you can smell the electric charge in the air when a storm is near? It's as if there is a some kind of sign surrounding us which gives the kids this additional love for each other that as a mother I wish so badly we could witness more often!  They were thick as thieves those two! Hiding from "the parents". Telling secrets. Asking to sleep in the same room. Playing game after game together. Kayla showing more patience with her brother then normal. Anthony being more loving towards his sister then normal. I just enjoyed it while it was there.


The kids copped a squat on the playground (since we had it all to ourselves) and enjoyed the beautiful weather.  There's nothing like a friendly game of Candy Land in an actual Candy Land playground!


Nourishing their friendship with LOVE. These are moments captured in time that can not be taken away from us. Never. Ever. Ever.

This has been a very hard week back in our home town, Novato CA. We lost a very special woman, mother & wife to this monster, Cancer. Jennifer Wilson Cooper. She was such a strong and inspirational person that I only wish I had more time to get to know.  She is survived by her husband (and love of her life) Dennis and her son James (Little J) who is just a grade younger than Kayla in the same school.  Jennifer was a huge help and advocate for our family as we have been going through this battle with the beast. She did so with a smile on her face and courage in her heart. Always. I am so sad for all who love her and continue to feel the waves of grief.  I can not thank her in person now like I had planned on doing. I won't get that chance. Little J will not get a kiss on his cheek while being tucked in by his mom tonight. It's not fair.

One thing I have learned during this is that a lot of people don't know what to do, how to act, or what to say when someone they know is put in a situation like ours or who is going through grief. Some of you are nodding. I know I was once there nodding too.  I can only say, be a constant in their life. If someone you care about is going through something traumatic, the worst thing is to be left alone. More often then not, you worry you will disturb them, bug them, or say the wrong thing, or just get repetitive. Trust me. Your not! And repetitive is GOOD!!!! No, it's GREAT.  Even though I haven't been able to respond to each email or note I have read filled with love or encouragement, I am constantly lifted over and over again. It's helped me to stay strong enough to write this blog! It's surprising to me who has been in our corner throughout all of what we are going through (you all know who you are!) and who we truly believed would be that hasn't. It's the most devastating thing going through something so life changing and wondering where the people are who you felt such comfort around before. People you assumed would be behind you every step of the way... Yet, through this, we have made some truly amazing and genuine friendships. There are friendships and relationships we cherish so much now... even a few from people we have yet to have met! The love that we have felt from people who have never even met us, or hardly knew us before is one of the most amazing feelings ever! I knew that relationships would change through this, but I had no idea which ones.  So please, not just for me, but for anyone you may encounter from now on going through something big... bug them! Don't let them suffer alone. Be there to support them if you truly love them. I know I will from now on.

So, tonight as we pulled up to fight our monster, I was filled with renewed hope and love. Such peace ran through me. I grabbed Kayla's hands and we said a little prayer. I hugged and kissed her and she told me something I needed to hear... "Mom, I've GOT this. I'm going to knock it out of the park. Cancer, you can leave now. You are NOT welcome here in my body".   Of course, I cried. She is just so brave and so smart. Such a kind and wonderful little girl. Thank you again Danny Thomas for giving us this chance at a brand new start at an incredibly fulfilled life. We are blessed.

                                                    I love you sweet pea.  You are so brave.

23 comments:

  1. She will knock it out of the park, because she's learned from the best. All of those times when you think that they are not looking, well, they are, and this is what comes of it. In the midst of the fiercest battle of her life, she is so strong, so determined, so vivacious and ready for the fight. I'm joining with her, telling cancer that it's not welcome in the body of this sweet little girl nor any of the other children there or LPCH or anywhere! The pictures are precious and when Kayla and AJ are grown with all of this behind them, they'll look at those pictures and remember that bond that was forged between them on that playground on that day! Love you all more than words can express and am praying for a CURE...I know you are all courageous & strong, but still praying for it for each of you and sending the biggest hugs and much love.

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  2. Omg TEARS!!! I am in awe of everything you say Annie. My heart has been with you every step of the way and I will be forever changed because of you. Cannot wait until you are home again!!! xoxo Lea

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  3. Kayla you are going to do awesome, I just know it! Stay strong. You are such a brave little girl. You and your family are amazing. We are always there, following your story, sending you positive thoughts and lots of hugs. -Lannette, Ross, Ainsley and Lily

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  4. Dear Annie, as I read your blog tonight, I couldn't help but think about Dr. Seuss's book, "Oh the Places You'll Go!" Kayla has moved such mountains over the past 7 months. And this last chemo treatment is just another mountain - and she WILL knock it out of the park! And, oh the places that she will go once this is all behind her! I am praying that her chemo side effects will be manageable that you all will be back together in the same home quickly.

    Thank you for your courage and strong words to remind us not to leave anyone alone.

    Love, Melissa

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  5. Your whole family is amazingly strong and an inspiration to many who are facing the same battle. I love the photo of Kayla flexing her "guns". Such a great image of a tiny little person with a HUGE amount of strength and endurance. Praying for you all. Home is so very close now!!!

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  6. Thank you for taking the time to remind all of us to 'bug' the people we love so they never feel alone. I am one of the people that do not know you personally, yet we talk of you and your family and include you in our prayers. Soon you will be back home in Novato, and we hope to meet all of you one day. Sending you
    heartfelt best wishes in the days ahead. Love, The Byers Family

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  7. We are sending prayers and good thoughts. NEGU to all of you!
    Love and BIG hugs,
    Lisa, Dan, Brittani and Sophie

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  8. Ok once again stolen my heart with your works, major waterworks when I read this, and all I can say is that I promise to bug the ones I love, I will continue to pray for all of you and keep you in my thoughts,and I have to say what an inspiration you and your family are to my family and I. You always hear of sad stories of other families going through these tough times and how awful they must be, but when my mom told me about Kayla, I was shaken beyond belief. Thank you for sharing your story with us and taking the time to remind us everyday how precious life really is and important it is to enjoy the small things. Kayla WILL knock this out of the park and I can't wait to see you all when the worst is over. Positive thoughts and wishes your way,
    Love The Da Silva Family.

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  9. I've been following your blog for months and never commented since I didn't want to be a stranger "bugging you" during a time of such intense and personal struggle. But I've been praying for your family, and please know that I will continue to pray for you. Your example has helped me endure my own struggles more gracefully and with more gratitude. Thank you.

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  10. You all are brave and inspirational BEYOND WORDS! Kayla, you are an unbeleivable little girl!! You all have handled the unthinkable with grace and dignity! I hope you feel the love and prayers that envelope you every day! Thank you for sharing all of your thoughts and feelings, even when they were unbearable! May God continue to hold your precious girl in His hands as she puts this chapter of her life behind her. I will continue to pray for a better day!! With lots of love and hugs from the Lyall Family! xoxo

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  11. Your posts move me to tears of joy and hope and of course to pray more for all of you. I pray for Kayla to be healed and your family to be one healthy unit!!! I found you through Jessie's Jars and continue to follow you and pray for you every day. Thank you for taking time to share your struggles and joys with us! I love Kayla as if she were a family member of my own. I have my Curing Kayla Rose iphone case and think of her often. May God give you all strength, healing and more love!

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  12. This is it! You are almost DONE!! I hope thinking about that will help Kayla through this last round. She has been so brave through the worst times. Stay strong Kayla! We will be praying for you as always! Betty Criesco

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  13. Thank you for the reminder and perspective, Annie. We're holding your hands and keeping you in our prayers everyday. As we grieve here, Kayla's strength and words give us hope and courage. Kayla is such a warrior! You & Denny are warriors. I love the photo of Kayla flexing next to the statue! Smiling & strong - the image I'm keeping all week! Love, Erika

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  14. Annie, you and your family are amazing!! So many of us back here in Novato are sending prayers and positive energy your way, and I hope Kayla can feel it!!

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  15. Annie, I did a lot of head nodding :) reading your post. You really do learn which friends/family you can count on when something like this happens. So many learnings in this experience!

    The offer my mom and I gave still stands - let us know if we can help.

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  16. Just a note to the readers to "ditto" what Annie's post said - if you do read her blog every day, please do take a moment to post even a little "hi, just thinking of you" or "Go Kayla!" in the comments section every few days. Letting them know that they are in your thoughts helps them tremendously. Especially in this last stretch!

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  17. We are so happy Kayla is in the home stretch! We continue to read your blogs religiously EVERY night. I have even started reading the blogs of some of the families you follow at St Jude also! It is so inspirational to read these blogs, puts a whole new perspective and appreciation on our lives. Go Kayla!!!

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  18. Hi I dont know you but your blog has helped me so much I am a wife that has a loved one that has throut cancer and it has been the hardest thing to go throght. Your little girl has so much love wich i could meet her but we will some day in heaven not anytime soon she will kick this cancer in the but. Kayla you have freands all around the world her in west vergina we love you

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  19. Dear Annie dear, As always, such wise words for us all from you with Friday's blog. It helps us think about how we can "be there," even in very simple ways, just so you know. And what loving sis and bro photos! Love and hugs coming your way, as always. AuntieAnn

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  20. Your words will stay with my always--as will that picture of Miss Kayla the Brave flexing those muscles! I absolutely and wholeheartedly believe her when she says she's GOT this!

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  21. I haven't met you, but feel that I know you. I read your blog regularly, but have never commented. I felt that it would be odd to comment when you didn't know me. But after your last blog I need to tell you that your daughter is an amazing girl, and you and your family are truly an inspiration for all of us. God bless you and your family, and know that there are many of us who are praying for you. You have helped all of us who read your blog become more thoughtful in what we do and say. You have also helped us know how important EVERYONE is to each other - connecting through understanding and compassion is what all of mankind needs to do more of. Thank you for sharing your family with us.

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  22. I have followed, admired, and been inspired by your blog since the beginning. I too haven't commented before because I don't "know" you. Your words are thought provoking and I have reflected on them many times. I'm grateful for your post about "showing" continuous support. Thank you for being so clear. It has inspired me to step-up.
    The loving sibling photos warmed my heart. This chapter of their lives has created something very powerful between them. Sending blessings and strength to each of you.

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  23. My heart is beating with hope, love, joy as I read this and see you so courageous, so strong, so beautiful! Thinking of you always and am resolved to communicate more. Love, love, love, and hugs. Lauray

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