Sunday, November 27, 2011

A gentle haircut

Tonight Kayla asked for a haircut. Simple enough. Asking isn't at all out of the ordinary in this house. But tonight, I knew it would be a hard haircut to do. Her reasoning was completely legitimate. It's a pain to wash right now between all of the stitches both on the back of her head and by her bangs. Kayla said, "Mom, it's time for a new look". Well... that had me by surprise. I turned the heat dish on outside to get it nice and toasty. Then I turned on her new Justin Bieber CD - "Under the Mistletoe". Anything for Kayla right now. Dad and I stacked 4 or 5 pillows up on the chair so she could lay back flat. It still wasn't high enough so I just had Den hold her in his arms. She still has a ton of glue in her hair. I don't know what they used in that operating room, but even after my REALLY thorough scrubbing there was STILL blood and glue residue in her hair. I couldn't help but think that soon enough the glue and all of it would be gone. I took my time washing and conditioning it. In the back of my mind I kept thinking, maybe this is the perfect opportunity to bring up the next phase in all of this...

We went over to the chair and I gently combed and sectioned her hair being so careful of all of her sore areas. I stopped in-between each section to kiss her on the cheek. I asked her if she wanted me to cut her bangs short like she had when she was a kid? She told me that she had been growing them out for so long and she wasn't sure. So, I said to her that no matter what her hair looks or doesn't look like, her face would always be beautiful. That her eyes would still sparkle and her lips would still smile! And those teeth!!!! You can't forget about those teeth. She beamed and said, "Ok, just chop them off then! Give me some bangs so I can get this darn hair out of my eyes."



As I was cutting I took my time. I know it will grow back, but it will be a while..... And chances are it will come back totally different! So, this might be the last time I cut "this" hair. About 3/4 of the way in, there was this really pretty slow JB song called "Pray".  It's about finding strength. The chorus (for those non-Bieber households.. haha) "I close my eyes and I pray.  I close my eyes and I can see a better day".  For whatever reason, the lyrics got me. It doesn't take much (especially music) to just make me turn into a crier. I decided exactly how I was going to word this to Kayla. I told her that I was so glad that the doctor made the bump in her head go away. I said that the next step in all of this is to make sure it stays away. There will be a lot of different medicine. Maybe even travel by plane! She liked that idea. Then I said, most of the time the medicine makes your hair fall out. I told her that it always comes back. Sometimes and most often, it comes in different! She told me that if it comes in curly like Antonia's hair, she would be totally fine with it. I loved it. That was just the reassurance that I needed.

So, I sit here tonight wondering what news Monday will bring us. We have a LOT to do to get ready. We are researching second opinions for treatment facilities. Denny and I would fly to the moon if it meant a better chance...... Who wouldn't?! So, of course we had the whole weekend again to just wait and wait. But it's ok. God has a plan. We know it. So we just hung out and played and laughed and had a pretty ok time. Things are getting more and more normal. Tomorrow I am going to go to AAA and get a handicap placard so we can get discounted parking and bridge toll access for all of our trips to who knows where over the next year. On one hand I want it to go slow. On the other, it can't go fast enough! I am bummed I didn't take a better pic of her new short "do". It was hard to get her to smile b/c her neck was bothering her. When that pain sets in, it takes over. Anyway, the whole picture hasn't been painted for her yet, but she at least knows why she isn't going to school tomorrow.



Good night, we are retiring to the couch now! I feel like I climbed a small mountain.

XOXO

21 comments:

  1. What a beautiful new do! We are continuing to have positive thoughts for all of you. Carli asks about Kayla every day and really looks forward to the updates...I guess she is like her mama. We adore all of you and are sending huge hugs and kisses your way.

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  2. Dear Kayla,

    Your Mom is right. You will ALWAYS be beautiful! And we love your new haircut. Brings out your beautiful eyes............

    Love,

    Neena & Baapaa

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  3. We are so glad you are home! Love and hugs to you. - Lannette

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  4. Annie- I know how hard that haircut was on you and your spirit. I was just telling Sean yesterday about how vividly I can remember cutting Cece's hair for the "last time". It still chokes me up till this day. It is truly indescribable being apart of that moment in our profession and only a fellow hairstylist can truly understand. Your's and Denny's strength amazes me every single day and every moment I read an update. When you are feeling weak, just take Den's hand and know that the world is on your family's side. We all love you beyond words. xoxoxo

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  5. Hi sweet Kayla,
    I think you look so beautiful with your new hairdo, you will
    always be my "Barbie" like I told you before.Love
    Claudia

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  6. A perfect moment always presents itself, you can't ignore mothers intuition and that beautiful spirit gave you the que without knowingly doing so, she was ready for a change and more information.........and the song and she is PERFECT in every way! Mwah!

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  7. Dear Annie - oh how wise (not a surprise) of you to take the opportunity of that special haircut as a segue to the difficult conversation about some of what's to come. Perfect timing, in such a natural flow. And I love the new look! As always, you're in our thoughts all the time. Hugs and love, AuntieAnn

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  8. Looks like the sweet angel I always have loved! Even better that she is wearing the pjs I gave her!!! :) Love you all!

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  9. If you need anything, remember we are around the corner (a couple of exits, but still.....). I'll even wear a trash bag if I have to. :)

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  10. Kayla really looks fantastic. What a little superstar she is. We think about you guys everyday. Shanny picked something out at the "Gifts of Joy" holiday boutique over the weekend for her. I'll drop it off with your Mom at work.

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  11. Kayla looks so great with her haircut but most of all it's so great to see her fantastic smile . She is such a trooper.
    Love the pics of Anthony too ! He is adorable in that box -

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  12. I love the haircut! It is just so stylish. Annie, I am amazed at how well you take that perfect opportunity to explain thing that are hard to explain. Susie

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  13. Love how you're listening to your intuition throughout this adventure, Annie--it's sure steering you right! Kayla looks GREAT!

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  14. Kayla, you look adorable!!! When you are feeling a bit better, come to the PICU and show us your new haircut!

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  15. Such a testament to what a brave, strong spirit Kayla has. She continues to amaze me! Her strength in recovering from surgery and her insight into what's really important is all because of her family, and the gentle, loving environment you surround her with. What a team! Please tell her Antonia would give anything to have someone to share her curly hair woes with ;) xoxo Lea

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  16. This is one of the most touching things that I have ever read. Kayla looks beautiful and I am blown away by how you handled the delivery of this difficult news and as someone mentioned, by your intuition about what to say and when to say it. That is a beautiful song that epitomizes this difficult journey that your family is on. Believe me, I sat at my computer weeping as I listened. In closing, I want to tell you something that my mother has told me at various times as my children have been growing up, when I marvel at the amazing spirits that they have. It is the title of a poem and a book, and it is "Children Learn What They Live." Your beautiful Kayla is a reflection of all of the wonderful things that you have surrounded her with as parents and as a family, because she has learned what she has lived. God bless you!

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  17. Annie - love her new 'do! She's just so beautiful!

    We live ten minutes from CHOP - Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and have many connections there. If you are looking into it as an additional option, please let me know if we can help get you linked in to the right people.

    xoxo
    Meghan

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  18. First of all, Owen wants Anthony to know that boxes are TOTALLY COOL! Lucy, a previous against Beiber, said that is her new favorite song (and mine!).
    We talk about you everyday. we are here for you!
    Her haircut rocks. You just wait, it'll be the new style of the season! she's a trend setter FOR SURE!
    XO
    Heather O.
    (PS the wine offer still stands!)

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  19. Annie - You don't really know me , I often have sat behind your beautiful family at church, and have marveled at the blessings of the generations sitting there! My heart goes out and my prayers go up everyday - love the haircut! Thank you for sharing this journey - Elaine T.

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  20. You look beautiful, Kayla. The haircut rocks. Love it! Great job, Annie on the haircut and to you and Denny for telling her about the next step. You always find it in your heart on the best way to tell her about what's going on. I promised Kayla a cool hat, and will deliver it this week. Love to the Dehnerts. By the way, I am big fan of that Bieber song. I am tearing up in Starbucks as I listen to it but if anyone asks I am showing them this blog!

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