This week I have felt enough anxiety for the world. As many of our friends prepare for transplants or scans and we go through our own batch of tests and scans, I catch myself holding my breath a lot. Last night as I tried to put my mind to rest, I couldn't help but wonder if it would ever get easier. Waiting to hear if the effects from Chemo and Radiation have started to effect her innocent body... It makes me so sad to think of how much time I have dedicated to keeping these kids safe and protected from danger. Here we are watching and waiting. Hoping and praying.
A wise friend told me, not every person will know this kind of stress and pain. This I do know. I have to find it within myself to be at peace with that. I going to try and look at that as a gift we have been given instead of this sad injustice. Where we might have skated through life living, or thinking we were living, this will experience brings on a whole new appreciation for the life we have yet to live. Colors will be brighter. Sounds clearer. Vacations more meaningful. Friendships stronger. Each milestone more cherished. Instead of being bitter or angry I want to try and see all of this as a blessing. The lessons we have been taught here have not been a coincidence. It's what we do with it all that matters most.
Kayla's ANC has started to climb which is great! She was at 1200 yesterday. Soon we will celebrate a "normal" ANC level, end our GCSF, and spend a week playing... hard! It will be time to prepare for our final battle. This one will for sure prove to be the most exhausting yet. If not physically, mentally.
We did learn that there were some changes with Kayla's hearing. Her audiology report came back that she now has mild hearing loss in one ear and moderate in the other. Where this sounds shocking, it's not that bad! Luckily, it's only in the high frequency range. So, it isn't anything that will effect her speech or her ability to hear people. We expect that the Cisplatin will continue to do a bit more damage in this last round. We hope that the only change will be that the ears even out at moderate loss. This is what the audiologist is assuming will happen following her pattern, but you never know. Then, we just really hope that the damage doesn't continue after she finishes her treatment which it can. The audiologist will continue to test Kayla every three months when she comes back to St. Jude for her scans until we are sure that her ears have stabilized. One thing we did learn is that the scientists have discovered that hearing loss can now be reversed in birds. This is huge. Up until that discovery, it has been irreversible. Now we just need to find a way to apply it to humans! Oh... and find that CURE!!!!!
Kayla had her EKG today to make sure that her heart is still doing ok. Tomorrow she will have her pulmonary check up and continue with the rest of the tests to clear her for her 4th and final round.... hopefully for life. She is one incredibly strong little girl. Wise beyond her 8 years. Full of life. Full of laughter. Full of fight!